talus slope of the mind

June 20, 2008

Did you know?

Did you know there’s a new operational procedure at the pediatrician’s office?1 I didn’t either. Here’s how it goes down now:

  1. Ask the parents what the child is in for. In this case, we thought Amber had an ear infection.
  2. Determine that the child is in perfect health.
  3. Passive-aggressively suggest, in about 16 subtle flavors, that either you yourself have abused your child or you’ve allowed someone to abuse your child. This suggestion should be applied to both parents equally so that reactions can be compared. Additionally, this interrogation should go on no less than three times the duration of the actual medical examination (or equal to the length of time spent sitting in the exam room waiting for the doctor - which ever is longer).
  4. Pay the copay and be on your way.

I now have a much better idea of what tactics the military is using at Gitmo; five more minutes and I would have confessed to something. Consider this a public service, parents. And get your stories straight beforehand, OK?

1 I should mention, in defense of our exceptional pediatrician, that he is off this week and we had to meet with another doctor at the practice. She will not be getting a Christmas card.


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