February 2008
98 posts
“I’ve built an entire career on creating websites that no one visits.”
– me, talking to a co-worker with regards to our web server
January 2008
108 posts
Psych: Lights, Camera ... Homicidio
Gamalobos: She beat me up.
Gus: I hardly think there's a woman capable of that!
Shawn: Bea Arthur?
Gus: I stand corrected.
“Could you check for a John Doe, please? Or, actually, could you look up all the...”
– Shawn from Psych (The Old and the Restless)
Casey is my new best blog friend.
I like her whole bunches. I think we’d get along in real life. Take, for example, her explaining how fun and fabulous her two year old was when some newlyweds were visiting. My friends were blindsided, they kept giving each other sideways glances as if to say “You and me, when we get home, we’re making ourselves one of these.” HA! FOOLS! YOU FELL FOR IT? See, the newlyweds weren’t around at...
“Your life could always be worse. Someone will always have it worse than you. ...”
– Hierarchy of Suffering. Who wins?
Lessons learned from volunteering at the D.I.* on...
If people you know from church come to donate and find you unloading their car, you can count on them to act in one of three predictable ways: They will be awkwardly polite as they try to ignore you. They will be awkwardly polite as they try, and then fail miserably, to figure out if you’ve been fired from your “real job” and this is how you’re supporting your family. ...
Five terrible fake names for villages in England →
And for the nerdy set, I highly recommend Five historical blog posts a la Digg style.
“POSITIVE: I don’t really remember what I ordered. But I’ve been...”
– Found in Unusual eBay Feedback. I also quite enjoy: POSITIVE: The way you wrote my zip-code makes me weak in the knees. Such smooth strokes. A+! NEGATIVE: Though you did nothing wrong, I am giving you this negative feedback to teach you that the universe is arbitrary and unfair.
Interoffice spam o' the evening
A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. “Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked. “Well, I can think of one thing,” the man offered. “Once, on a trip to Redfern in Sydney, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman, and I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the...
The tools of sick
Saltine crackers and ginger ale - the inevitable armaments indicative of someone’s recent commune with the porcelain gods. As I’ve manipulated these two products today in behalf of my lovely yet virescent wife (who spent the night with said deity), I’ve had two strange and decidedly non congruent thoughts on these two products. 1) Saltines get the shaft. In looking for them, I...
The Jan Brady of San Francisco bridges →
How Andy makes me laugh. (psst - be sure to read the caption)
Where's *my* pig?
I found this New York Times column by Stephen J. Dubner and Steven D. Levitt (of Freakonomics fame) to be fascinating: In the old days, there were more pragmatic incentives to vote. Political parties regularly paid voters $5 or $10 to cast the proper ballot; sometimes payment came in the form of a keg of whiskey, a barrel of flour or, in the case of an 1890 New Hampshire Congressional race, a live...
War Stories (the Wash episode)
Zoë: I thought your plan was too risky. I thought. Wash: Then tell me. I am a large, semi-muscular man. I can take it. — [Book pulls out a rifle.] Book: This should do. Zoë: Preacher, don’t the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing? Book: Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps. — Wash: “Hey, I’ve been in a...
Interoffice spam o' the morning
A blind man wanders into an all-girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair, given that...
WatchThis is one “tasty vortex.” — bossdj Mmmm, indeed, bossdj. Indeed.
How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take in a Fight? →
Admit it - now you’re kinda curious, huh? My number was 17, but the office average was much higher.
Ponder:
Why is it the rhetoric says that it’s impossible to a) support the individual troops, but b) not really support what their leaders have them doing? I’ve answered my own question, of course: rhetoric.
Warning:
Under no circumstances is anyone to ever watch the 2005 theatrical version of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy within any reasonable time of having read the book. It will simply piss you off. (That’s not to say it’s a bad movie; it’s not. In fact, given enough time away from the book - a few years, perhaps - the movie can really fill a void when there’s no other...
250+
I was given a piece of writing a few weeks back to use as my framework in addressing roughly 250+ people this morning. I had never heard of the author of the source material so I was forced to look him up. A mundane task to be sure. Here, however, is the life lesson: Never again shall I mention from the podium my ignorance of this fellow (and thus be forced to provide a short background on the...
911
Chi: Ah, man. I’m back on hold again, J. me: Um, you’d better get used to it, buddy. You’re calling phone companies and law enforcement agencies. Chi: Yeah, I guess the only thing worse would be calling government offices. Chi lost a phone in Vegas last year and cancelled service on it. Someone found it recently and keeps calling 911, which necessitates a call to Chi’s...
Warning: Design Nerd humor →
Don’t bother asking - I won’t explain it to you. (via)
Me and pot →
You’ll just have to humor my narcissism and go read about my experiences with pot.
“I don’t know about you, Randall, or the bossdj. I thought my friends were...”
– my dear sister in an email to me this morning